The Blue window, the Indigo sky and the Mighty mountains knows my all secrets now.
I am currently comfortably lying down in a nice comfortable hotel room and writing this. Brushing up a little note that I had written a few days ago. I contemplated sharing this personal writing. But then I had an epiphany. Once you decide to be an Artist, you have to recognise that you also have to truly live life as an art. And vulnerability is a huge part of it. You take something very personal, that is very meaningful to you, carefully ornament it in the best possible way and present it to the universe. Let people see it, and have their own introspections about it. One philosophy leads to another. So it seemed fitting that I can open my heart in the form of writing every once in a while.
As I sit here watching over the mountains, the only sound I can hear is of the crickets and a few birds, I don’t recognise what birds they are, nor am I making an effort to google it. I am just sitting here listening to this untamed symphony.
I was wondering how I landed here, in this very secluded village, in the Himalayas. The only thing that comes to my mind is that one night I suddenly felt like giving my overwhelmed nervous system some break. And that break in my vision had mountains, a beautiful place to live in and nobody I knew. Solitude, I think I was searching for the lost confidence within me. The confidence to be okay just being.
With a broken heart and a broken back ( well, not literally but, fair enough, a damaged spine) I took a 12 hour long journey to a far away village in Uttarakhand. I did not expect the place to be so secluded, and to have very very less human population. I wondered if I will be able to sleep at night as most of my life I have struggled sleeping. The anxious mind has wandered enough to far away lands, yet the eyes and the physical body have spent hours at night staring at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise again. But to my surprise, I slept. I slept rather very well.
Not sure what these mountains do to you. I have felt this before.
You expect that you will be closer to nature, and feel inner happiness. But they force you to heal. They bring out all the deep down emotions, the ones that you bury somewhere way too deep in your heart and subconscious mind. The huge mountains have their guards so high that they show you the mirror and force all your tiny atoms to help themselves and heal & align again.
I had felt lost, as if I was losing myself in the past few years. As if slowly and slowly little parts of me disintegrating. But, if I'm honest, just sitting and staring out of the blue window for hours and hours in a day has helped me integrate my lost parts. They say, the strongest human is the one who isn’t afraid to be alone. As proud as it sounds, I have come to a realisation that it is extremely important as well. You can only help others reach their home, if you come home to yourself first. The human journey is not simple, yet the inner journey is. Just be for a while.
On that note, signing off.